You can't judge me
by Nightskyestars
Summary: Skye killed a man when she was younger, the team finds out and everyone judges her and treats her differently. She blows up at them for judging her and not knowing she had a very good reason for what she did. Ward runs after her and she tells him the whole story in her bunk. He comforts her and cannot believe what she has been through. SkyeWard. Oneshot. Mentions of rape and abuse.


Skye had, had enough. They had no right to judge her. They didn't know what she'd been through growing up.

She was currently standing by the holotable listening to the mission debrief and she could feel everyone staring at her - judging her. It had been a week since the team had found out and everyone had avoided her like she was some kind of disease. No one had even bothered to ask her about it.

She knew what she did was horrible and she would never forget it - she hadn't in the past 9 years. She still felt guilty about it to this day. But these people didn't know the full story, didn't know the horror she'd been through.

"That's it - I've had enough. Enough of all your stupid judging stares, of all the whispering behind my back. If you have something to say to me - say it to my face. And for the record, it keeps me up at night okay. I feel sick when I think about what I did. But I had no choice and you can't judge me"

"No choice? You killed a man."

"Did you ever even look into the man's background?"

Everyone stayed silent.

"So maybe dont judge until you know the full story."

Skye walked out of the room with tears streaming down her face

Grant was the only person to stand and he quickly ran out after her.

"Skye wait" he shouted when she was about to turn into her bunk. "I just wanna talk."

Skye shook her head and quickly tried to run into the bunk and close the door but Grant was too fast and had his foot wedged so it wouldn't close.

"Skye, I promise I'm not judging you. It was just a shock for everyone, well me at least. We've all done bad things and you were really young - you just made a wrong choice ."

"But I didn't do anything wrong Ward - I had _no_ _choice_. I-" She didn't even know what else she could say. "I'm just tired of trying to defend myself"

"Why don't you let me in and tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Sure, _why not_? I've got nothing left to lose." she muttered.

Ward walked into the small bunk and sat on the chair in the corner of the room whilst Skye sat down on her bunk.

"I dont know where to start" she admitted sheepishly.

"Who was he? I mean the man you, erm.."

"You mean the man I killed?"

Ward nodded.

"He was my foster father."

"What did he do Skye? I really don't think you just woke up one day and killed a man. He must of done something. Please, tell me he did something."

Ward didn't know why he was acting this way or even feeling this way. He just knew that he didn't like the idea of his rookie being a murderer, she was always so happy and he'd never seen her harm anything or anyone. Even out on the field she was hesistant to fight unless she really had to.

"He, erm.. he was a horrible man. About a month after I'd started living with him and his wife, she left him. I don't know what happened or why she left but one morning I woke up and she wasn't there anymore. She left me with him. He became really angry after that - always snapping at me and it erm..." She felt her voice break and the tears started to well in her eyes.

"Then he started drinking and ordering me about, I didn't want him to be angry with me so I'd do as he said. He'd make me cook dinner for him every night. One day I came home after school and got started on dinner, I was making him steak and a sandwich for me because he'd never let me have a hot meal. He'd tell me it was his food and I had no right to eat it, then he'd say I could probably do with losing some weight anyway." She could feel herself rambling and looked up at Ward "sorry for going on, I'll get to the point."

"Skye, it's fine. I want to hear everything." He told her. He meant it.

"Oh, okay. Once I'd cooked his dinner I took it to him. He was on the couch drinking, like everyday. As I was about to go clean up in the kitchen I felt him grab my hair and throw me on the ground. He'd had temper tantrums before but he'd never hit me. I'd been hit before in other homes but - I dont know, he was so much more violent. He was screaming about how I'd overcooked his dinner and how dare I try and give him food like that. He was shouting about how I was good for nothing and then he hit me. For the first time. He climbed on top of me and beat the shit out of me." Skye was crying by now.

Ward moved from the chair and sat down next to Skye. He grabbed her hand in his and squeezed it to reassure her he was there.

"The next two months were pure hell. There was a routine - wake up, make him breakfast, get beat for doing _something_ wrong, hide the bruises, go to school, get told off for not doing my homework because I was slaving away for him, go home, get a quick beating, make him dinner, get another beating, clean, go to bed and then get woken up for another beating to 'make him feel better.' I just kept trying to convince myself that the next day would be better. Maybe he'd stop."

Ward noticed goosebumps on Skye's arm and grabbed a blanket off the end of the bed and wrapped it around her.

"I lived with him for 5 months altogether. The longest I'd ever been fostered for. And the last two months were definitely the worst. Everything was the same as normal until one day, it was a weekend, something seemed different. He came home and was far more pissed off than usual. It was late, maybe 11 at night? I made the mistake of asking him what was wrong. He blew up on me, as usual, claiming everything was wrong in his life because of me. He was beating me and then all of a sudden there was something else in his eyes, not just the usual anger. I didn't even process what was happening at first until it was far too late. He had me pinned down and was ripping my top open before I could even breathe. There was nothing I could do so after kicking and screaming I just gave up. I was fighting a losing battle so what was the point? I just sort of shut down and that was the first time he ever raped me."

She couldn't talk anymore, not just yet, she couldnt even breathe. She was sobbing and Ward wrapped his arms around her. He whispered in her ears how everything would be okay, she was safe now, nothing was ever her fault. Slowly her breathing came back to normal and the sobbing stopped. The tears trickled down her cheeks in slow streams still.

"You don't have to carry on Skye." Ward said to her.

"I need to finish this" she was determined.

"The day that I, erm, well you know. I don't even know what happened Grant" She sounded so broken to him. He tightened his arms around her slightly.

"I-It was a Sunday, he'd gone out and I'd finished all the cooking and cleaning so I went to bed early it was about 10:30 so I didn't see the harm. I was asleep when he came into my bedroom. I-I woke up to him lying on top of me. My shirt was torn open and my pants were ripped as he tried to pull them down. For some reason I was determined to fight back that night - it was a stupid move. I was kicking and screaming and all of a sudden I felt this cold sensation against my neck, it was a pocket knife. I froze. He moved the knife to side and then he was kissing my neck and I was convinced I was going to be sick so I turned my head to the side and stared out the window. That's when I saw it" She swallowed visibly.

"Saw what Skye?"

"The scissors" she whispered.

"They were on the cabinet right by my bed, the moonlight was literally streaming over them and he was pulling his pants down, the knife still in his hand. I reached over as much as I could whilst he was distracted but I couldnt quite reach them. Next thing his pants were down and he's kissing all down my body. I kept s-stretching and I was crying and shaking and then they were in my hand. They were heavy and really sharp and I was holding them so tight my hand started to bleed. I tried one last time to push him off me and he wouldn't budge. Then he was inside me and it hurt, it hurt so bad and I screamed and then the scissors were inside him and I stabbed him twice - once in the shoulder and once in the leg. I couldn't take it anymore. He was so angry and then my stomach i-it it, all I could feel was pain. He'd stabbed me and left the knife in. The doctors said the next part was pure adreneline and fear. I pushed him onto his back and just kept stabbing him with the scissors, everywhere. There was so much blood and then I felt dizzy, he was on the verge of losing conciousness and he just stared into my eyes and told me 'At least he'd got to be inside the worthless little orphan bitch one last time.' Then he closed his eyes and I got off him as quick as I could. I ran for the house phone and phoned the ambulance and tried to explain but I was losing conciousness too. By the time they showed up I was sitting on the floor by his body, the scissors had never left my hand. I was half naked, a pocket knife in my stomach and covered in blood. The paramedics couldn't believe what they were seeing. A man came over and told me I was safe but I just passed out in his arms."

Skye felt sick. She'd never forgotten that night but she hadn't spoken about it in 9 years. Grant could see she'd gone pale all of a sudden and ran for the trash can and placed it in front of her just as she wretched forward into it. He pulled her hair away from her face and rubbed her back soothingly. Once she was finished and had nothing else to vomit up, he moved the can to the other side of the room - he'd deal with it later.

He sat against the headboard of her bed and pulled her down to lie against him. She was shaking so he placed the blanket over her once again. He stroked her hair as she just stared into space.

"I woke up in a hospital" she spoke quietly. "A doctor walked in and told me what had happened and how they removed the knife and had to do emergency surgery."

She looked into his eyes and he'd never seen a girl more broken. His rookie was usually so cheerful, he'd always thought of her as the heart of the team and even though everyone was a bit distant since finding out about what she'd done, he knew they'd agree with him. His rookie wasn't supposed to look this broken, nobody should look this broken.

"Grant, I was pregnant." she whispered and the world stopped for him. She'd gone through so much. "When he stabbed me in the stomach, the doctor told me he'd killed the baby, there was no way it could've survived. I wasn't even sad, I wasnt even sad that my baby was dead. I didn't know about the baby but when I did find out I - why wasn't I sad?" she sounded like a small child.

"Because you didn't want it. Skye you were young and that man took advantage of you, you didn't want to have sex with him and he raped you." she inhaled sharply but he carried on. "A child should be born out of love and that wasn't love - that was fear. You didn't even know it was there so being told you lost something you never had, its probably never really registered to you."

Skye was sobbing.

"I might've been a mum right now. I might've had a son or a daughter."

"You'll get that Skye, but with someone you love and want a child and a future with. You'll have all that one day." He held her tightly to his chest. He wanted to protect her from everything that was bad in the world.

Skye smiled up at him. Something was nagging at the back of his mind though.

"How old were you Skye? The report just said you were a teenager"

"I was 14 when I first moved in with them and then 15 when I left."

"You went through all that at 15?" she nodded and he felt anger building. He was glad that man was dead - if he wasn't already Grant would've tracked him down and killed the bastard himself.

Skye clung to Grant and laced one of their hand's together. Her head was resting on his chest and she was half lying on top of him. She yawned loudly and Grant ran his other hand through her hair again.

"Get some sleep Skye."

"Will you stay?" she asked almost childlike.

He smiled and then nodded his head

"Of course."

Skye smiled and snuggled her head further into his chest.

"Grant?"

"Hmm?" he mumbled.

She raised her head and quickly placed a soft kiss on his lips. She blushed and mumbled a quick apology before lying back down only for Grant to lean down and connect their lips once more.

They both smiled at each other before Grant pulled the covers over both of them and they settled down for a nap. Skye had been through so much but Grant wasn't going to judge her. He wanted to be there for her. Good times and Bad.


End file.
